SiCC and SLCC Creatives

My Care Leaver Status

I see my care leaver status
As something not to be afraid of
I see the stigma put upon us
And yet it’s still nothing I’m ashamed of

My experience and knowledge gained through that time I spent looked after
Is something that I took, moulded and mastered

Of course I’m still mad, furious and tired of the system
But yet I will never brand myself a victim
As I and those around me struggle
For we chose what we do with our lives – we pulled ourselves out of the rubble

I see other children looked after, and those who have aged out
And with the strength each person holds, I feel so proud
As we are presented with a broken service
Yet still we all manage to prosper, and find purpose

Download the poem here

Somebody

Somebody, who, I don’t know
Enters what I thought was home
Somebody I’ve barely met packing my belongings into black bags, again here we go

Just another placement I couldn’t keep
“it wasn’t right for you, you know you were evicted and it’s time for your things to leave”
As if they think that any words could relieve that grief

Of leaving where you finally settled, dare I say felt safe
And multiple times down the line every time
I still remember the warmth of the tears streaming down my face

So from then I lived life out of bags in case history repeated
But glad I did, as of course it happened again so these days I feel like a disgrace
I am not a human, I was a care package, a bed space
It doesn’t matter I how I feel about the place
That I live in, and now I have somewhere to live
And I’m sure that sounds great
But I feel so empty, alone and nothing ever seems to give

Because I spend my life as a liability,
Drowning in destruction I caused
When I lack any sense of stability
Even when working the hardest I can
I never get any credibility

Because it’s never good enough
And they tell you they can see it’s ‘rough’
To live in constant unproductivity
Not that I deserve even an inch of it, but people get tired of my shit, they lose sympathy

And who could blame them at all?
And I don’t have answers, nor does anyone else
Nobody wants watch somebody continually fall
And I beg for help, no fuck that I yell

Somehow I’m supposed to understand permanence, my own company and cope
Yet I’ve never had that, nor did I have the choice
Until now, and when left to my own devices, everything I touch I destroy

The constant feeling of crisis
Turn me to use vices
And this has all left me weak, spineless
I see no end to this feeling until my body lays lifeless

But when its all said and done
As I’ve been told
The choice sits with me,
There’s only so long you can keep hold
When everything you fight for constantly unfolds

And I can’t carry it around no more
I sit back and watch, and know at my core
Some in this life don’t make it
And I think I will be in that statistic

Download the poem here

I want to go home

I want to go home but I don’t know where home is.
I don’t have one now, and it’s something I miss
Forcibly moved from place to place
Hoping to find somewhere safe

Yet it hasn’t clicked, no house built on bricks
Has made me feel at home

And I’m decomposing
Seems like every chance I get the monster in my head opposes
To the option of fulfilment
Of the chance to be me

Because through this all
I’m just trying to find
If I can find some walls
That I feel safe behind

Download the poem here

The Shadow of Time

When a soul laments
and in a past frequents,
Time does not move forward.

That is the universe’s rule.

And although comfort is there
please beware
The trappings of the fool.

For that is why rivers they run,
And why the birds glide upon the breeze.

It is why roads are meant to be travelled,
Tho narrow they wind.
For life is for the living,
And comfort for the blind.

Download the poem here

Where Nightmares Come

Of crippled heart and
crooked mind.
A violent mist of
thoughts unkind.

Of a lack of virtues,
no taste for life.
Of endless sorrow
and a fury’s might.

In darkened nights
a soul must dwell.
And lie within
that silent hell.

Tormented through
thoughts own deeds.
Where nightmares come
and on souls feed.

Consume oh Ravens
flesh from bone
and strip these thoughts
as cold as stone.

Feast on fear, on pity
and on pride.
Whilst under blankets
my soul does hide.

Download the poem here

Sunflower

By Freyja M

She was the first to rise
Hair golden and fell like pretty petals cascading from the skies.
The green she wore just like leaves
And a laugh like the spring
breeze.

For she was everything to me,
Planting seeds of memories
that could never leave.
But we could never be.
For she yearned for the tree
yet I am a rose with me comes
thorn,
Destined to be torn.

Rooted in anguish,
My pain couldn’t vanish
Why couldn’t she see?
The love buried within me.
From my bramble bush I’ll cry,
For you a million times
My sunflower baby,
Chose him not me
But of course what’s a rose
to a tree?

Download the poem here

On every bag and box I own

By Kira G

On every bag and box I own
is a sticker with my name
somehow these sticky labels
have always held so much pain

if they come off, my biggest fear is they’ll be placed straight back
and there are bags I’ve had filled for months because I’m too scared to unpack

ironic really, because that sounds a lot like my brain
bags and boxes of trauma that never get addressed
and they too hold so much pain

so it’s almost like those name tags hold metaphorical value still
if I remove them, I feel like things will again go downhill

and labels with my name will return
and these days I feel like my value is held to a room or a bed
and the thought of settling makes my stomach turn
because despite my chaotic past I’m still a person, the fact no one values that messes with my head

Download the poem here